Let's review grocery etiquette, shall we?

1. Have a least two layers of clothing covering your private areas and the private areas of others in your party so as not to have the foodstuffs become contaminated with whatever pests you might be harboring.
2. Oh bother, you, your friend and the three toddlers in tow all seem to have violated the first rule. Please exit the store.
   

Now, I realize that I'm shopping in the Mableton Kroger. You can read two things into that: a) Mableton features a higher per-capita redneck quotient and 2) Kroger is not the gold-standard of grocery stores. You would be right on both counts. I'm not going to digress into a rant about the Kroger clientele, and I'm even going to steer clear of any puns which might be lurking about. Okay, well, maybe one:

"Say, do you have any fresh pork loin back there? How 'bout a pound of fatback?"