A compliment to my Meat Beard billboard, this foto was snagged outside my office building. Looks like wet toilet paper was the white-out medium.
I've been slowly but surely organizing and cataloging the 7000 odd images I've been taking since I went digital. It's a looooong process. I'm using Picasa for my organization and it seems to work pretty well. I've switched from using iPhoto because I think Picasa does a much better job of handling a large database of images, which doesn't surprise me. At any rate, I actually got a friend of mine to scan in all my slides, which means that I finally got some really great photos from Alaska and Tahiti back into my collection. So, keep checking the photos link for new stuff...because by the time we have the kids, there won't be able time for that!! :)
Dr. Lee says Steph measures like she's 42 weeks (if there was just a single unit of Baby in there). For those who are bad at math or don't know such things, that's 2 weeks overdue. We're in the home stretch now - we passed our Fetal Fibronectin (Fft) test last week, so no babies for 2 more weeks for sure. Anytime after that and we're +2 in the home run column.
1. Don't worry, your dad didn't know what he was doing, either.
2. No, no--not that Spock!
3. Second thought, maybe you should worry.
4. Never tell anybody that you and your wife are "trying."
We really don't need the visual, that's why.
5. Never tell anybody where your child was conceived, how long it took, or what song was playing.
6. Do not name your baby after cities, geographical points of interest, features of the solar system, seasons, plants, animals, or current television stars.
7. Your child, at birth, already has a deeply complicated relationship with his mother, and, for the first year, you are only a curiosity.
For a couple of years after that, an amusement-park ride.
Then, a referee.
And finally, a bank.
8. If you want to subject your son to the unkindest cut, insist on a local anesthetic, since many pediatricians don't bother to use one.
The anesthetic is for the kid.
9. Baby gas is lessened with a good nipple connection during feeding, which decreases air intake.
Assuring that his lower lip is flipped out, not pursed, helps.
10. There is nothing wrong with thumb-sucking, which helps ease the pain of teething.
Nonetheless, it probably ought to stop by kindergarten.
11. Diaper-rash remedy: Expose baby's hydraulics to the air until dry. Soak baby's bottom in tepid water with a half cup baking soda. Then, Balmex. Or Lotrimin. Rediaper.
12. You know how they say you'll get used to diapers? You won't.
Unless you wear them a lot.
13. Forcing children to use toilets will make them dislike toilets.
Children begin using toilets when they tire of that not-so-fresh feeling.
Of course, this is long, way long, after you tire of it.
14. The start of crawling: usually begins between six months and twelve months.
Standing: usually between nine and twelve months.
Walking: between twelve and fifteen months.
The onset of the above, as with all developmental skills, is hugely variable among individual children.
15. Avoid walkers, not only because they can be dangerous around stairs but because they don't require a child to balance and thus retard his walking progress.
16. Reason boys are better: They cannot get pregnant.
17. Reason girls are better: They're less likely to get arrested.
18. The threat of an unknown punishment is always more effective than a stated one.
19. Annals of great punishments: Hang dolly from a noose!
That was a joke, Dad, a joke.
Annals of great punishments, for real: making him wash the car, clean the bathroom, and watch The McLaughlin Group.
You see, all great punishments should reduce the number of disagreeable tasks you would otherwise have to perform.
20. Teach by example.
21. Your kids can develop an independent sense of good taste only if they're allowed to make their own mistakes in judgment.
22. Relax: Lots of little boys want a Barbie and a dollhouse.
23. The first time you change your son's diaper and he pees all over you is not an accident. It's foreshadowing.
24. Children of too-strict parents are more likely to develop tics.
25. Let them take reasonable risks: A few scrapes in the long run are nothing compared with the scars left by hovering parents. Or tics.
In preparation for risks: a Red Cross first-aid course.
26. The most common cause of fatal injury among kids between five and nine involves cars, which is to say, hold their hands. And buckle them in.
27. Try to tuck them in every night, too.
28. When changing diapers, avoid baby powder, as it can irritate her lungs.
When changing diapers, definitely don't avoid the Desitin--spread it thick, like Spackle.
29. It never hurts to videotape the baby-sitter.
Especially if she's hot.
30. Never disclose to other parents that you have found a good baby-sitter.
31. Reason boys are better: They cost less, especially their clothes.
32. Reason girls are better: They're less likely to burn, slash, or chew the clothes they have.
33. Overalls are not only cute, they provide a convenient handle.
34. At a certain point, your child will appear to survive exclusively on peanut butter, french fries, Cheerios, and hot dogs.
35. Dropping food on the floor is a new and delightful skill to a one-year-old, not a deliberate attempt to annoy you.
However, as small he or she might be, never underestimate an infant's ability to project chewed food over great distances.
36. The single most important thing a father can possess: Wet-Naps.
37. NOW, more than ever, don't move into a place without laundry facilities.
38. Children's hobbies to nip quickly in the bud: drums, archery, matchbook collecting.
39. Beware your child's uncles, who will teach your kid dirty words, introduce him to liquor, and give him gifts of drums, archery sets, and possibly matches.
40. It is, of course, your natural right to exert the above negative influences on your siblings' offspring.
41. You are under no obligation to tell children the truth.
Lying to children is, in fact, half the fun: "Oh, that tree? That's a yellow-spotted spickle-gruber, of course."
On the other hand, they do remember everything.
42. Sesame Street.
43. Your bedroom door gets a lock. Your teenage son's does not.
44. Lock or no, please knock before entering, as the disruption of a youth who is spanking his monkey will be twice as traumatic for you as it is for him.
45. Other doors to lock: those on the liquor cabinet.
46. There is only one reason for a teenager to burn incense, and we think you remember what it is.
47. Unfortunately, those books that say motherhood makes women desire more sex are referring to women who are not your wife.
48. No matter how wealthy you are, don't buy your kid a car -- offer to match him.
Ditto for other adolescent big-ticket items; teach the little bastard some responsibility!
49. The previous statement proving you are your parents.
Only -- hopefully -- with better fashion sense.
50. Price of a college education for a baby born in 1999: $200,000.
51. If the real response to his question is no, try this instead: "Go ask your mom."
52. DNA tests are 99.9 percent accurate, but check the ears to be absolutely sure.
53. Reason boys are better: Boys start talking later than girls.
54. Reason girls are better: Boys toilet-train later than girls.
55. The twos aren't always terrible.
Even if they are, take heart, as kids aged three to six generally believe their parents are the most amazing beings alive and wish to be exactly like them.
How scary is that?
56. Establishing savings accounts for your kids and requiring them to make regular monthly deposits teaches them how to eventually become J. R Morgan.
The above could prove useful in your dotage.
57. Corny as it sounds, that Harry Chapin guy was right.
Then again, you could argue that W. C. Fields was right, too.
58. It's never too early to begin reading to children.
59. Let them read what they enjoy.
60. Except your porn, which your son will eventually steal unless you hide it really well.
No, you cannot ask for it back.
Furthermore, you cannot steal his.
61. Acceptable reading material: Dr. Seuss, Where the Wild Things Are, Harold and the Purple Crayon, Curious George, and any of the following by Roald Dahl -- James and the Giant Peach, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Danny the Champion of the World.
Neither of the following by Roald Dahl: Kiss, kiss or Switch Bitch.
62. Know that by the time your kids are teens, those enormous baggy pants will be long gone, as will tattoos, piercing, and Marilyn Manson.
Of course, by 2015, kids might very well sever arms and legs as fashion statements.
63. Some parents walk around naked in front of their children.
These parents should stop it.
64. Nearly all psychological problems result from feelings of worthlessness, which is to say, every now and then make sure that you tell your kid he's pretty great.
65. And never raise a hand to him. But being a good guy, you probably knew that.
66. The harder they play, the earlier they sleep.
67. Never turn down an invitation to play.
68. No toys that require batteries.
69. They never really outgrow the claw. "No, Dad, no! Not the claw!" means "Apply the claw, please."
70. All in all, fatherhood is pretty terrific -- filled with joy and triumph, promise and miracles -- particularly other people's fatherhood.
71. You might think you know a lot about fatherhood, but not as much as you will when you're a grandfather.
72. If you're thinking that fatherhood means the end of life as you've known it, you, sir, are, of course, absolutely correct.
From Esquire Magazine, reprinted without permission (oops) (© Tom & Dee Ann McCarthy/Corbis)
I've put a meta tag into my site template to cause the site to refresh whenever you load. I'm always having to force a refresh to see changes reflected. If this causes problems for ya, let me know...
I've found my new favorite photo host site. My .Mac page will be out of the picture (heh) at the end of August when I fail to renew my subscription. It's not Flickr, which is fine because I use my blog for photo posting. I don't want to host pix at my own site because that's a lot of software maintenance that frankly I don't (or soon won't) have time for.
So, I'm please to announce my Picasa photo site! Enjoy!
Until you realize that I'm in a suburban wal-Mart that's 20 miles from IKEA.
Let's review grocery etiquette, shall we?
- Have a least two layers of clothing covering your private areas and the private areas of others in your party so as not to have the foodstuffs become contaminated with whatever pests you might be harboring.
- Oh bother, you, your friend and the three toddlers in tow all seem to have violated the first rule. Please exit the store.
Now, I realize that I'm shopping in the Mableton Kroger. You can read two things into that: a) Mableton features a higher per-capita redneck quotient and 2) Kroger is not the gold-standard of grocery stores. You would be right on both counts. I'm not going to digress into a rant about the Kroger clientele, and I'm even going to steer clear of any puns which might be lurking about. Okay, well, maybe one:
"Say, do you have any fresh pork loin back there? How 'bout a pound of fatback?"Ok, one or two or three is enough. Anyway, the picture is worth at least 500 words, and that's about the length of this po
Check the title link for some cool information on how to effectively use Google search. There's some pretty good information in there.
Time to change the template. Brown, or whatever color this is, is the new black. Enjoy.
Ok, here we are at 29.3 weeks! We had another ultrasound today - no pictures suitable for posting - and got rave reviews. The "smaller" of the two is just above the median size for a singleton! Add on to that another one that's bigger - well, that's a whole lotta baby.
Everybody is doing well; things are progressing normally and all the measurements look good. Devin and Maya are up to 3lbs 3oz and 3lbs 4oz respectively, which is actually interesting because Devin used to be king of the womb up to now! Guess this is probably a sign of things to come (sorry son!).
TTFN
We finished our series of baby classes today with "Baby Baby Essentials" and "Breastfeeding for Multiples". I gotta say, neither of these classes surpassed the information we received in "Marvelous Multiples" - something that didn't surprise me given that the MM instructor was a mother of triplets and the other instructors were singleton moms.
I did like some of the things we learned. The BBE instructor was very matter-of-fact and direct in her approach:
"I don't like those $25 wash basins you buy in the store. Just not functional. Use a $5 sponge bottom."
'Nuff said about that I suppose. And, the instructor is not pimping any products:
"I have turned these bottles around because I don't push any particular
product. Buy whatever you want, but READ the labels. Did you know
that the $12 bottle of butt cream has active ingredients of zinc oxide and
lanolin? You can buy them separately for $2.50. Pay $12 if you
want. Oh, and baby shampoo and baby wash? Same active ingredients,
just more water in one. Save your money."
I'm all about that. The other instructor, by comparison, was not a La Leche person, and so was not the milk Nazi I envisioned. Instead, she was a feel-good oh-you'll-be-so-great-but-it-will-be-difficult kind of lactation consultant. That, and she was a complete pimp for Northside Hospital. Yes, we get it. You're a great hospital. Yes we know more babies are born there in Atlanta than anywhere else. Yes we know that you have a NICU that is world standard. Great. But you're also 45 minutes away from the house, and that's without traffic. And, our OB doesn't practice there. And, our OB is 5 minutes away. Do the math. Stop pimping.
Soooo...why the picture of the alien baby? This is one of the dolls we got to practice bathing and what not. I just thought it was funny, because he looks strangely familiar - like our friend Tommy!
This wasn't my purchase, but I have to wonder if this is some sort of bomb making undertaking...
My nearby Radio Shack decided to go out of business, so I felt obliged to go give it some of my business. Personally, they picked a crappy area to build that particular store - it's in the same shopping strip as a goodwill store and a food depot. Anyway, I picked up electronics parts at 50% off: various LEDs, 7-segment LEDs, a breadboard and the choice pick: a BASIC Stamp kit with a fat lab manual! I got this stuff really cheap!
Anyway, I didn't have time to play with it at home, so I brought the Stamp with me to Miami on my trip. Last night I did half of the labs (skipping the homework) and brewed up my first original circuit: light measurement! The movie below illustrates the amount of light hitting the photoresistor, as indicated in the LED. Enjoy!
Spotted on the back of a van in Miami. I suppose you might guess that it's from a local brothel. You'd be wrong - it's from a Balloon Company. Who knew!
Nor much new to report just yet. Steph has two appointments this week, so hopefully we'll get some good ultrasound pix to share. Oh, we also took a "Marvelous Multiples" class on Saturday - it was great! The instructor was a mother of trips, so she had lots of real world experience to share. We also started playing music for the twins - i'll post the playlist soon.
TTFN!
Soon I'll replace this with a video - for some reason I couldn't upload it directly from my phone. Anyway, this is the terminal connector in Detroit's airport. The hallway is lined with glass panels that are etched/embossed with various liquid-looking designs and are backlit with stylish purple, fuschia, red and pink lights which morph. And the best part is the music played during the light show - it's all retro-future, like from World of Tomorrow. Can't wait for the video...
Update - I figured out how to get 3gp files into the blog (not automatically, but embedded nonetheless). Enjoy!
I'm in Detroit, watching MI:3 (which was okay by the way), and luckily there are plently of good trailers for upcoming movies I'd like to catch:
- Superman Returns
- X-Men 3
- Davinci Code,
- Over the Hedge
- Nacho Libre
I think I'm gonna go rhyme tonight inside Dtown! For those of you who aren't in the know, Eminem did a movie called "8-Mile" which refers to the system of roads in Detroit. A lot of the east-west roads are named according to the distance the road is from city center (I think). So, basically, anything outside of 8-Mile road was considered white trash, or something like that. Anyway, it's a pop-culture reference.
I've never been truly enamored with "The Airport". There are a few, however, whose design or convenience, or both appeals to my sense of harmony. DTW is one of those airports that hits the design mark, but misses the convenience mark but just a bit.
We got our glider & ottoman in, courtesy of Ma Nolers. We love you! Cooper appears to lament the loss of another dog-accessible window for keeping the passers-by at bay.
The four of us went to see the doc yesterday. Everything is cooking along just fine - kids are looking great. Brains are "perfect". Maya has long legs, like her Mom, and Devin has a big... nevermind.
Interesting tidbit of news is that sizewise, Devin is in the 62nd percentile for singletons, meaning he's just slightly above average for size of a single baby. That's good for a twin. Maya is in the 45th percentile, which is slightly below average - still great for a twin! Bad news for Mom though, because she'll be as big as a house in a few weeks!! Love ya hon!
Some pix of the crib created by Dad/Grandpa (pictured above, the one with the glasses)! Thanks Dad/Grandpa!
We got the ultrasound today - we're having a boy and a girl!! Everything looks A-OK, according to the docs. Nothing to report out of place/size/expectation. We are happy/relieved and just plain excited!
Man!
Man, I've been gone for a while! I haven't posted here lately coz I've been really busy both at work and play.
But, fear not, there will definitely be a post here around 5pm today because we have a dr's appointment to find out the sexes of our twins!! W00t!!
Steph painted these murals in the Nursery. All total, about 200 hours of painting. My involvement? I'll be doing the clouds on the ceiling and what-not.
Thanks, Google, for allowing me to selflessly embed your videos.
This is pretty crazy - no, probably stupid. Especially about halfway through when there's a touching moment between a father and daughter, where they both learn about life, love, and how shoot a 60mm.
Derrick and I are getting our band website up and running, slowly but shirley. It's at http://www.hardlivin.org, so gwan over and check it out!
Here's the arse of the Solstice. Pretend that the license plate has been blurred out, willya?
My new ride! Well, not really, but it's the first Pontiac Solstice I've seen live and in-person. Interesting l'il car.
Not much new to report from yesterday's OB appointment. The doc has referred us to the "high-risk pregnancy" consultant for our official 19-week ultrasound. Note: high-risk doesn't mean what you think. All twin pregnancies are considered high-risk.
So, we did a sonogram yesterday and got to see both peanuts. Each has the requisite number of appendages and a head and spine. Can't say much other than that because it's not an "official" ultrasound. The OB has a low-quality sonogram machine in the office for general use. We did get to see everybody moving around. And, each kid has it's own placenta, which is good news. Oh, and in case you were wondering...we won't know until birth if they are identical or not. Even with two placentas, they could've split earlier so that will remain a surprise. I have to remember to bring a Sharpie to the hospital to mark 'em up. :)
TTFN!
I like my milkshakes with extra! Make mine a double, with Super Goat Weed*
*now with more Maca!
I got a cheep digital clock which includes alarm, calendar and temperature functions. Here are the instructions, verbatim:
2. alarm : Set up the sound of one team, the alarm dripping makes a noise for one minute.3. embezzling sleep : Open or close down embezzling slcep alarm6. embezzling sleep model set up press snooze key open or close alarm, fixed timing, sleep function."When the unit show to disorder ( diemachine ). Please push the "RESET" key."When show obscure please replace the battery"
First of all, let me apologize for not editing this post for 4 days. Usually when I snap-snap grin-grin from the cell phone, I only put a few words in with the pic before I upload. Then I'll come back and add some shizzola to turn this into a REAL post.
Anyway, I had to go up to Hartford, CT for a few days, and I usually stay at the Hilton Hartford. Not because it's a great hotel or anything. I think it was a Ramada before Hilton bought it 10 years ago. Anyway, it used to be a spectacular dump. The restaurants were crap, the gym was poop, the decor was suited for a feces-flinging zoo resident, and the overall aura was just plain rectal.
I haven't been to this hotel in probably 2 years, and wasn't really looking forward to it for obvious reasons. I mean, if you have to send me out of town, at least make it worth my while. Yeah - I could stay down the street at the Crowne Plaza, but when you've been with Hilton for 10 years you kinda rack up some points!
So, I walk into the parking garage lobby where there was once an escalator to whisk you away to the poop deck - I mean, main lobby. And lo, there was no escalator! Instead, the lower deck was a pristine ecru encrusted elevator landing with +5 energy! Ok, so I take the elevator up to the lobby....and I walk out, and it looks like an IKEA exploded in the middle of the hotel! It was entirely remodeled in the eurotrendycoolmoderne fashion! Wow!
Anyway, I'd keep going, but I *really* need to go. The pic is from the restaurant which was a combination Deli (Morty's) and Chinese (Ming's). Weird.
I apologize for this post's infatuation with all things excretory and D&D. I think I need to go #2, but I want to keep playing Guild Wars.
No, not the boisterous redhead from Mel's Diner, rather, flo-rin, the redneck version of flooring! Yes, that was this weekend's project: laying down laminate flooring in our party room. It's a rather large room, 14x25 (ish), but luckily it's a rectangle.
Mom & Dad came down to cook/cheerlead and foremanate, respectively. We finished the deconstruction by removing the carpet, padding, baseboard molding and tack strips. Next was trimming the door jambs so the flooring would snug up jes' right. After that, we laid the smack down, and by smack I mean primo-grade Black Forest German junk, and by junk I mean the Tundra flooring we bought from IKEA in December, and by Tundra flooring I mean getting shit at 45% off!
So, our goal was to finish one room and we succeeded in laying the flooring down in the one room. We still have to put the molding back one, but I think we're going to get some better shiz and just replace the existing junk.
All in all, a good weekend - thanks to Mom, Dad and Davis fo' hep'in!
I'm sure this doesn't make much sense, and it will make even less when I explain it. So, Padriac's is a local restaurant/pub/bar where Hard Livin' plays on Friday nights. It's a pretty classy joint, at least until the band gets started (heh), so the clientele is usually middle to upper-middle class. You would think that these folks would be the type that would know the proper place to take a shower, wash your hair, and perform other tasks of the grooming sort.
Well, the gent in the picture above just so happens to be lathering and washing his coiffure in the friggin sink! I know you can't tell from the picture, but his soft jerricurls are all white 'n' pretty with whatever hand soap happens to be around the lavatory. Brilliant!
I mean, this is just about the dumbest thing I've ever seen. The song itself is pop fluff, but the videography is, uh, well, I can't come up with a good adjective or even an adverb.
I'm finally back after two weeks of travelling - one week in San Francisco and one week in Curacao. I think I can officially say that I'm tired of that drag. I'm ready to be at home for a bit as I've been running nonstop for a few months now and I need to just chillax.
That said, yesterday we stopped by the doc's office for a sonogram, and we got to see our little peanuts dancing around in the womb! Peanut A was just having a rockin' good time in there doing ab crunches. Peanut B was apparently tired by association and decided to hang bang and breathe.
Everything appears to be going quite well. On a side note - I think I might've said earlier that the twins were fraternal. Well, according to the doc, we won't know until the fat lady sing--er, bad analogy. We won't know until the twins are born really. We do know that they both have their own set of resources (e.g. placenta, yolk sac), so it'll be interesting to see what pops out. (Wow these analogies ARE bad!)
I still haven't adjusted to the fact that we are pregnant yet, I mean, from a physical standpoint things are still status quo. I suspect that'll change in a few weeks, then it will start to feel "real".
TTFN!
